“As with the image of the waning and waxing moon, there is something malleable about their features, and they are natural mimics, too.”
All day I have felt like there was something I had been about to write about, an idea lurking just behind my eyes, that I couldn’t reach. I took a walk this morning and it appeared for just a moment while I walked by a house with a big magnolia tree out front. I ate a lemon bar on the couch and it appeared, but the sweetness of the dessert chased it away. I was just maybe going to alight on it again when I received a text message from an ex that I just had to read to A and we listened to "I Don’t Fuck With You" by Big Sean at full volume in response. What I am saying is that my brain is malleable, unreliable.
In astrology, things are not flexible. They are rigid, neatly packaged. The world is split up into twelve archetypes and through them, everyone can be understood. When someone’s behavior feels inexplicable or cruel, it can be credited to their sign. When someone is kind or chatty or welcoming, that too can be credited to their sign. It is said that engineers and scientists like to order the world, but I do too, despite the fact that I ruined almost every chemistry experiment I was a part of in high school. It is calming to my anxiety to believe that I can understand why something happened or be able to predict what might happen next. She will be on time because she’s a Virgo and likes for things to be ordered. He will lose interest in me quickly because he’s an Aries and wants constant stimulation. She will appreciate my intellect and my poise at a party because she’s a Libra.
When the world stops being allowed nuance and freedom, it becomes less interesting, but it also becomes clearer. I have said of myself that I am the kind of person who would rather drive a car into a wall during a race just to know that it was totaled than race a car not knowing what would happen next. Coronavirus has been a prolonged session of sitting and waiting. I feel glad that I am not the governor or the president because, though I assume I would do the right thing, maybe that impulse would take over and I would watch the disease rampantly run its course just to know it was over. It is not healthy, this compulsion.
When I have free time, and now I have scads of it, I have spent a lot of time learning the bounds of each of the astrological signs. Who does what, who likes to stay home, who likes to go out, who needs adoration, who wants only results and hard work. I have spent even more time in online love simulators that stack you and your beau (or desired beau’s) sign next to each other and tell you how compatible you are. My favorite one of these gives you percentages for all of the parts of life they’ve deemed important: sex, communication, shared activities. I love it. It gives you numbers for how things will go. 65% compatibility in shared activities, 95% compatibility in sex, 70% compatibility in communication. It’s faked hard data. It’s science for the immeasurable.
We have a book downstairs that pairs every sign with every other sign. It is a fat paperback with a glossy red cover and it is something of a Bible, but one that we can choose to believe or not, as much as it applies to our lives. It is here that the hard data gives way to imagination, the brain’s malleability and unreliability and traits turn into long sentences with sections that begin with a seemingly unconnected quote from Peter Pan, some having to do with the grief of the loss of childhood, some having to do with the fairy on Pan’s shoulder.
When I simply cannot figure out what is going to happen next, I am much more prone to opening the fat red paperback or consulting my favorite website again. Ah, of course, I think, we aren’t getting along because I am a Leo and therefore need to go to cafes and be doted upon and he is an Aries who finds that kind of laziness just that: lazy. When things are going well, I hardly consult them, moving forward just based on my intuition. It is like religion in the way it is more valuable in the hard times.
Here, if you ever need to pick me out of a crowd. From Joanna Waters: In Leos…“You can look out for the broad face, the Roman nose, the mane. Blonde or…tresses with highlights. Look for sun-kissed faces and bright clothing. Many Leos will suffer from a back problem during their life. Cholesterol levels are also important for this sign. Ask them how they are and nine times out of ten they will answer anything from “fine” to “fabulous” no matter what ordeal or hardships they may be going through. Think of a full grown Lion.”
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